This & That

Things you can do with a baby strapped to your chest:

Pay bills
Balance checkbook (Has it really been since February first?! Whoops.)
Write thank yous
Send the last few birth announcements
Recycle mail
Print tax documents
Reserve a rental car for Florida (Woo Hoo!)
File and organize important info
Blog
Eat breakfast and lunch
Sort your pre-pregnancy clothes that fit from your pre-pregnancy clothes that don't
Sort your maternity clothes that you still want to wear from your maternity clothes that are huge
Laundry--Wash and/or fold
Dishes
Send emails
Pick up around the house
Listen to music
Drink lots of water
Make a list of what to take to on vacation
Go to the bathroom


Things you cannot do with a baby strapped to your chest:

Make a bowl of cereal. Apparently, you will pour in orange juice instead of milk.
Wash a load of white clothes. Apparently, you will forget to put in the clothes and need to run the wash cycle again.
Feed the cat. The baby would probably fall out as I'd have to bend over so far. No need for that.
Paint my toenails. Needs to get done though, we're going to Florida!

Walk the Walk: A Post of Randomness

Busy busy weekend...my dad was in town, plus we went to church two days in a row for the first times since I had the baby. This morning I even got myself and the baby ready, picked up hot chai and made it to church all by myself! In the midst of an unbelievable amount of rain, snow and slush. On time, no less!







I had to lay out our clothes, pack the diaper bag and have everything ready to go last night, but we got the job done!! And golly, she was cute. Is there anything cuter than leopard print on a baby? I think not.









There is nothing better to me than a Monday and tomorrow will be no exception. A quiet day in to rest and recoup from a chaotic weekend.

Tuesday will be a pretty full work day. Also claiming the official 6 week mark with corresponding doctor's appointment. Yikes. How could it really have gone so fast? I'm sure I'm the only one in the house who thinks it went fast, but I'm pretty sure it did.

A week from today we will be in Sunny, Warm Florida. It's to be a short trip, but we'll hopefully get tons of sun regardless! We borrowed a pile of warm weather baby clothes including the tiniest bikini and flip flops. Only one more week forging through the snow and ice.

When we got home from church today we helped our neighbors get their car out of their driveway. We've had so much snow lately that coupled with the excessive rain this morning, the entire street and most driveways became sheer ice, slush and were extremely difficult to maneuver. Andy walked down to help push the car out and quickly called me to come help. I first wondered if I would really be of any use but then found that my assistance was needed in the actual driving.

I'm pretty good in winter weather. Plus, they had a manual transmission with which I am adept. I made quick work of getting that car out and in the process managed to spray everyone with freezing snow. But the car was out. No one gave me a caveat of staying dry.

One last picture that just cracks me up. We swaddle her every night before we put her to bed and she usually prefers it. However, lately we have discovered that she keeps trying to break out of her wrapping. Maybe she is tired of the straight jacket?

Happy Mac Day!

We talked about it for months. Computers abound in our home, but we don't own any of them. Some software, sure, but none of the actual hardware. 

We finally decided that it wouldn't be feasible to save enough for Christmas like we wanted. Maybe one of our birthdays later in the year.

And then money started going missing.

I would ask if he got paid for a wedding or a recording project I knew he had just finished and the subject would subtly get changed. In one instance I remember saying, 

"Are you hiding a lie?" and being answered in the affirmative. 

In my mind, the assumption was that he was saving up to buy me some fancy jewelry as a gift after having the baby. 

But then one day...one day I was sitting on the couch trying to figure out why he hadn't given me the gift yet. It had been a month since the baby was born and no word of any presents. I didn't want to ask and make him hedge around it again, but I was dying to know. With more thinking 

I was wondering what the gift could possibly be. 

He doesn't actually ever buy me jewelry if I don't select it first, a habit that comes after my working in a jewelry store. So what could it be? 

What indeed. 

All of a sudden, it came to me. I just knew that I was getting the computer. 

Little comments started making sense to me. Like the fact that he was so up to date on all the new Mac products. 

I even told a girlfriend last week that I guessed what I would be getting. Just so I'd have proof that I really knew.

He even opened a secret savings account at a different bank to stash away money. There's nothing better than a good present-secret.

I love secrets. I love surprises. I can honestly say I was surprised. Just that it was a week ago. 

We finally have a computer we can call our own. 

Mac, I love you. And I love that you are Red. 

Our little Apple Baby. You've got to train them early, right?

It's Tuesday, but it Feels Like Sunday

Baby is sleeping, (look, see? there she is!) so I'm scrambling to get a blog post in, do the dishes, put away her clean laundry, start another load of poopy laundry (how can such a small person poo so much!?) and do a bunch of work for work.

I have prep for next month to work on, planning for next year to think and write through and reading for a meeting tomorrow. Tomorrow is my first real day of being in the office. Fortunately, it should only be for a few hours. I've had a few Saturday nights of work, but since it's performance-based, and only for about 15 minutes or so, it doesn't feel a whole lot like work.

I'm really looking forward to my few days of working here and there, but also a little anxious. Baby gets her first real babysitting experience tomorrow!

Uh-oh. Sounds like she's stirring. Poor thing has her first cold. Stuffy and snorty and a little bit of coughing. Just makes me feel so bad for her. Here's to another first. But a yucky one.

Sunday. A Day for Doing Stuff.

For the last few years, we have been attempting Sabbath. After some time of each of us working more than one job, we were still sure to take one day of the week to rest. We will read, watch movies & snuggle on the couch, or hang out with friends. Sometimes work was involved in our Sabbath, but only if it refreshed us. Like if I wanted to plant flowers or Andy wanted to finish his video game. (Somehow it fits.)

With a baby this isn't quite the same. I can't put her aside to do whatever I want to do for longer than an hour or so. How do I redefine my Sabbath now? Hubby can (and should) still take a day not to work but does my Sabbath now mean I don't do laundry or the dishes one day? Do I take a day away from my computer and emails? Does it mean giving myself permission to take four naps along with the baby? She still needs feeding and changing and soothing, etc.

I never really thought about it until just now.

On Saturday nights, hubby doesn't wake up for any feeding help as he has to get up so early to leave for work on Sunday morning. So baby and I snuggle in late on Sunday morning.

I got laundry, dishes, organizing, tidying and the taxes done today. Praise the Lord for tax returns. Seriously. We'll get some chunks of debt paid off this year. It's not all gone (heavens, I don't think it ever will be with the house and school loans) but it is much more manageable and eases my mind to know it's lower.

Baby discovered the fun of sticking out her tongue and blowing bubbles. I'm not sure she knows it is fun yet, but all the same, it was discovered.

Also, she has now worn her first cloth diaper. I don't have good covers for them yet, so she's not wearing them regularly. However, I have ordered the fabric and snaps needed to make covers as well as more diapers. I'm pretty excited about it. She has enough regular diapers for probably another month, but I'd love to have enough cloth made by then to not have to buy more.

Plus, darn it, isn't she cute!? Her little diaper matches her socks! And me? In my new work uniform of jammie pants and a sweatshirt. Way to be a hot mama. Hey, I put on real clothes and make-up at least once a week. That's good, right?!

New Life Experiences.

This past week marked the beginning of the Lenten season as well as Ash Wednesday. I've never been to an Ash Wednesday service and have always wanted to.

I'm not sure why this is not a part of many church practices. Are we afraid of the liturgy or of being associated with something with which we're not familiar?

Growing up I ever really participated in following any traditions related to Lent. Yet I love the idea of sacrificing something (usually irrelevant and often relatively trivial) personal for a period of time leading up to the celebration of the sacrifice of Christ. My giving up coffee for a month is so insignificant, but every day I am reminded of my small choice and therefore reminded of the reason for it.

At the recommendation of a friend, I have also been striving to add in something beneficial to my daily spiritual diet. Nothing huge, but it's a small step.

I've always understood and respected the importance of regular time spent in scripture and prayer with my Lord. But hardly have I been capable of following through on any kind of good habit. I set goals, make resolutions, ask for accountability, and still I find myself disappointed with my lack of effort.

The truth of the matter is that it doesn't make me a better person or a better christian if I have daily devotions or if I don't. Yet I know the benefits. My heart beats truer and my spirit is fuller. How can I say I have a relationship with someone whom I never talk to? I can see how friends from high school and college have fallen by the wayside because we never take the time to talk or meet or even email anymore. I think about them, sure, but if asked whether or not we have a relationship I would have to say no.

I don't want to have to admit that God is a friend from the past. I want to put time, effort and love into my relationship and see actual growth and purpose. My time at work is spent teaching children and adults how good it is to worship God, how fun. And I mean every word I speak. My time leading music is something I treasure deeply.

I just don't want my heart to feel so stale and always find myself wishing I was more committed.

This month I am at least trying to keep up with the daily Lenten readings and prayers. If I'm honest, I know I won't make it every day. Maybe as I remember not to drink a cup of coffee and choose tea instead I'll remember to pull out my book of common prayer.

This week we were smudged with ashes and chose to receive communion for a reason. Even the baby got a smudge for the very first time and I want to be able to set a precedent for teaching her meaningful traditions and finding the depth in church history to lead into true relationship.

Month 1

My sweet Randall, you have had one heck of a first month. Lots of visitors, presents, cards and food! True, you can't fully appreciate any of that just yet, but there are so many people who love you already, it's possible that you will be spoiled rotten. But sweet rotten, of course.



You've gotten to tour the neighborhood from the comfort of your little baby-pack. Granted, you slept through most of it, but you brought smiles to everyone we passed. Soon, the weather will let us go out every day and you can visit the park and the zoo and help mama garden. I'm sure you'll love getting into the dirt!


You are finally fitting into most of your clothes and are almost ready to move up into the next size of diapers. You eat like you're afraid it's your last meal and you can poo more than seems possible. I'm going to start trying to make some diapers for you and save a little money. Laundry seems easier than buying those expensive little bricks of gold all the time.


You don't seem to have any preferences on what I eat. You get fussy at the same time of day each day regardless of my diet. I appreciate that as I've never been very good at giving up any of my favorite foods. You don't mind that I need a cup of coffee every day and a few handfuls of chocolate as well. I do try to throw in as many fruits and veggies as I can, but I'm afraid you are going to love sweets as much as your mama.

You hate getting into your car seat, but love being there once you're settled. I'll try to be better at remembering to buckle you in. What a bad mom! I've forgotten twice now.

It doesn't really matter where you are, if you're tired enough you can fall asleep anywhere.

And your sleeping? We can't believe how good you are at it. Some nights you only give us three hours at a time, but quite often it's four or five and last night it was more than 7! We sure hope you can keep that pattern up.


I don't want to miss any moment that we have together. It's so hard to share you with other people. You're mine after all, right? You are so sweet when we snuggle and nap on the couch. Your little head just burrows into my neck all warm and cozy.

At the same time, we can't wait to see what your second month will be like. It's exciting to discover your little personality and watch your tiny little self grow. We pray for your health and your heart and that we will make the best decisions for you. Soon we will be playing and laughing and reading and you will love it all!

Does it matter if they're snug?

My jeans? Sure, they're a bit tighter than I remember, but they're on.

Today? I am not wearing elastic pants. HOO-RAH!

Of Barfing and Boots

Last Friday was a girls' day out. We were going first to a lunch with a bunch of other women from the church so we got baby all dressed in her cutest little outfit with sweet pink boots, ("What are these things on my feet?! I love them! I must have closets full of them!") and packed snugly into her car seat when--

She barfed all over herself. All over her cutest little outfit. All over the car seat. Fortunately, the fabulous little bitty boots were spared.





We got her out, I changed her into a cute, (but not quite as cute) outfit as the first while daddy cleaned out the car seat.

The lunch was lovely and she behaved so very well. Afterwards we did a little shopping for a couple necessities, (basically I shopped and she napped, we'll teach her the art of shopping soon enough) and then stopped at a friends' who loaned us the mayawrap.

For her first big outing she had a great time and didn't fuss at all.



Saturday night was her first time at church and she did wonderfully. It was a long evening as we had to go in early with Dad for the band rehearsal. She was super good and put up well with all the oohing and ahhing and being passed around. I decided Saturday would be the best service to take her to as there aren't quite as many people to worry about quite as many germs.

I wasn't sure how she would do with the loud music, but as I held her in the back of the room and sang at the top of my lungs, she fell right asleep! Apparently, it wasn't all that different from what she had already heard for nine months, just more clear.

For me it was a great night as I was able to sing in one of the classrooms again. It felt so great to sing and dance and enjoy worship with the kids again. Plus, I need the exercise!

Sewing Party!!

A comment was made to my last post that I need to have a sewing party to make some grocery bags. That was supposed to happen back in November or December but I kept putting it off until it never came about.

Well, my friends, it is time to get sewing! Now that I have made several of these bags myself, it will be super easy for me to direct others in making their own.

Friday, February 22nd. 6-9 pm. There will be snacks and drinks. Bring your own machine and bring half a yard each of two fabrics that you love and coordinating threads. If you want to make more than one bag, bring more fabric!

RSVP by emailing me at sewverysweet@gmail.com and I'll make sure I have enough tables and power outlets for everyone!

Of Walking and Eating

The weather today was such that it was absolutely nice enough to go out for a walk. We bundled up, hooked on the back/front pack and headed down the sidewalk to our neighborhood grocery.

The signs in the windows proclaim that all products are 50% off. The employees don't even know if the store is remodeling, being bought out, or going out of business. They just know that there isn't much left to buy. We stocked up on a few bathroom items, dry goods and snacks, loaded them into my handy-dandy home made grocery bags and walked back home.

As an aside, everyone should have some of these bags. They are so much sturdier than the plastic ones, hold way more and won't destroy the environment! I'm thinking about carrying them in my Etsy shop. I found this Christmas I could whip one out in less than an hour. They're super cute and will last a very long time.

Back to our outing.

Here I have a confession to make. After we got home and dropped off the groceries I went back out. For lunch. At McDonald's. I know, I know!! But I was SO craving fries, a chicken sandwich and a sprite that I couldn't help it! Plus, it's only around the corner and I was so hungry. I promise to eat something super healthy for dinner. Also, I will be drinking tons of water to wash it all out. Though I can't necessarily say I regret my decision. It was quite yummy.

Now baby is napping in her cozy mayawrap sling and I have some housework to do. For any of you baby-fans, pictures of our sweet little pooper will be forthcoming.

First Time for Everything

First tubby. She loved it right up until the very end at which point I think she was overwhelmed. Peed in the water and then pooed on her towel while getting dried off. Kind of defeated the whole purpose.

I know it's just a fluke, but...

Last night the baby slept for 6 hours straight. She then ate and proceeded to sleep for 3 1/2 more hours.

I know this isn't at all something I can count on as a regular occurrence, but it certainly was lovely. If we could only get her to do this on a Saturday night before having to get up for Sunday services, it would be perfect, no?

Sleeping with a case of the Grumpies

The nights have been going well. But her days? Well, yesterday at least she was awake all day long. And angry. I have a feeling something wasn't right inside the tummy. Finally last night there was a good explosion and she was much happier. Today she seems to be a bit sleepier. Sometimes.

Today is "learning to eat" day. Her two-week doctor's appointment showed that she gained plenty of weight over the last week so we know she's been getting enough, now I just want to teach her to eat more, um, naturally. Patience, lots of advice from friends and La Leche and lots of snuggle time and I'm hoping we'll make some progress today.

Last night we had friends bring us dinner. People always ask what we'd like and on Sunday when they asked, Andy had answered jokingly, "filet mignon and creme brulee." Well, that's what we had for dinner last night!

Fabulous juicy steaks, lobster tail, green beans & mashed potatoes with creme brulee ice cream for dessert! We have gotten so many amazing dinners and have been so blessed by people taking care of us it's been fantastic.

I seem to have a hard time remembering what day it is. I usually have to look at the date on my watch or the calendar several times a day. Yesterday we got out of the house and did a little shopping and also picked up a glider that a friend gave to us. We have already decided that rocking makes such a difference in the night feedings. She goes back to sleep much easier.

Also!? Our pack & play has a music & vibrating element to it for soothing that I discovered also fits perfectly on the bassinet. Randall officially has a snooze button now. At least at night.






In grownup news, our kitchen is at a standstill. Our tiler has several other jobs ahead of us so the back splash is just bare drywall and leftover chunks of old tile. Maybe for Valentine's my kitchen will get finished? Ah well, it's amazing what you get used to.

Time?

We've been working on the baby sleep scheduling thing. Trying to teach her when she should want to eat, when to sleep, etc. Last night we tried to let her cry for a bit before she fell asleep and I lasted about a minute with that. How is she ever going to learn if I'm such a wuss?!

We have been trying to put her down in different places so that she doesn't get too used to one specific spot and should better be able to sleep wherever. It's rather overwhelming all the things you need to teach them already!

The last three days she has completely skipped her midday nap. Noon to three she is wiiide awake. Silly baby. The nap after that is usually only about a half hour, but she doesn't fuss through it. Today she has fussed all over the place. One would think that she would be ready for nighttime by evening, but no such luck.

It's so crazy how every day is so completely different!!


In other news, she has a real belly button now! I noticed last night after a change that she had a smudge of blood on her belly and freaked out until I saw that sitting in the middle of her chest was her shriveled little walnut!




Despite all the feeding and changing and attempts to soothe to sleep, I am getting a lot of reading in. Making her food for 20 minutes at a go provides ample book time and I am taking advantage of it as best I can.

Yesterday I finished Cause Celeb, a novel by Helen Fielding who wrote Bridget Jones' Diary. She has a very interesting sense of humor and is easy to read while not being flaky at all.




Right now I am in the midst of East of Eden by John Steinbeck. An old classic that immediately drew me in. It's a long one, but has been fantastic so far.




Time to sign off. Food needs to be made for baby and she seems to need to go for a walk. This lack of napping seems to also make her a bit grumpy.

Week 1

First of all, to answer your questions:

Randall was born on 1/08/08, weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and delivered at 8:08 pm. I'm not even joking. The birth certificate says 8:05, but my watch said 8:08 so I'm sticking with it.

My husband was there to cut the cord after they plopped her right up on me. He was so proud of himself for not minding the blood & guts!


Oh, and for the kind comment of how well I looked after pushing? That picture was the next day. We didn't have any mom pictures immediately following the delivery. Andy knows better than that!

Here's a question for those other moms out there: How long did you hold your baby after delivering? Did you get to hold baby while they cleaned everything up, or did they do the work all of to the side?

The reason I ask is because I have a theory about how well a baby breast feeds in relation to how long you were able to snuggle right away.

We made the decision on Sunday night to pump & bottle feed as she wasn't doing well latching on and just simply wasn't getting enough to eat. Honestly, this works fabulously and I'm happy that she's getting plenty, I can make enough for her and she'll be healthy and content.

But I have to admit, it makes me feel like a failure for not being able to sufficiently breastfeed. For not being decisive enough when they asked where they should clean her. I wasn't lucid enough to have a good answer and said, "I don't know," at which point they popped her over into the warmer. A little decision like that is to cost us so much frustration and emotions.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to transition her over eventually. Even just trying a little bit every day.

What I love about being a Mama? The snuggling, the kissable cheeks, the sweet fuzzy hair, the tiny toes and fingers and cuteness. Plus? Can you see that pouty little lip?

What I don't love so far? The ridiculous, nonsensical, meaningless crying. And I don't mean the baby. I seriously cried for about two hours last night. Doing the dishes, picking up the house, reading my book.

I know it's typical and I know it will get better, but boy is it annoying!! Today was completely different. Whether it was getting a little more sleep at a stretch or waking up to sunshine, today has been tear-free on my part.

It's impossible to believe she is a week old already. It feels like it has been a month and it feels like it has been just a couple days.

The Good, the Bad and the um...Messy

It wasn't anything like the movies. After the insane walking situation on Sunday I spent most of Monday on the couch recovering. By mid-afternoon I was able to get around pretty well.

That evening I started having more regular contractions and watched my cell phone to time them. We watched a movie late and had some cereal. I climbed into bed around 2:30 and then realized I probably should go to the bathroom.

Could it be any more perfect that my water broke at exactly that time!? My thought was, "Hmmm, it sounds like I'm peeing, but I don't think I am."

Since it was "time" I took a nice long shower, made the bed and finished packing our luggage. Around 3:15 or so I went downstairs as Andy was still working in the studio.

"Hey," he says. "I though you went to bed?"

"Nah, took a shower instead."

"What's up?"

"Well, we should probably go to the hospital now."

Surprised look on face.

"Really?"

"Yep."

I think he wanted to rush around and just leave, but I tried to still take our time as my contractions weren't yet all that close together, but I knew since my water had broken, they wouldn't send me home.

Check in and triage were easy and we were taken up to our fabulous corner suite. We couldn't have asked for a better atmosphere for our delivery.

By 10:30 I was more than ready for the epidural. Not able to breath through the contractions any more and with Andy telling me he would ask for it if I didn't, they brought in the anesthesiologist.

My only thought after getting it all in was that it was way easier than getting the yellow fever shot I had last summer! Andy however didn't take it as well as I did.

He always finds medical procedures highly interesting and he made the mistake of looking over my shoulder as the catheter was being fed into my spine. At which point he needed both of the nurses to help him sit down on the couch!

As soon as the drugs took effect and I was sufficiently numb, we were both able to get some sleep. The best part was that everything progressed quickly while I was sleeping and by four it was time to really get to work.

Unfortunately, that's about the time when I started noticing the epidural was wearing off. I hit the button a couple times but by 5:30 I could tell that it wasn't going to be a very fun ride. The anesthesiologist decided that since the bag of medicine was almost out and it was supposed to take two hours to wear off she wouldn't give me any more. I tried to object, but to no avail. Needless to say, four plus hours of pushing without drugs is not something I want to repeat any time soon.

Hooray for those of you who choose the au naturale route, but believe me I would never be able to make that choice!

The doctor suggested we try using the vacuum to get her out and I was all for anything that would help. Merely two contractions later she popped her little body into the world.

I hear the doctor say, "If I knew that would help so much, I would have tried it an hour ago." Really, shouldn't this have been an internal monologue-type of comment? It was not something I was happy to hear by any means!

Oh, and the one thing they don't tell you that hurts the worst? The doctor getting the placenta out. I did plenty of moaning and crying during the pushing, but that was when I did the yelling.

An hour of stitches later and I was more than done. Guiltily, I didn't even want to hold or snuggle the baby. I was pretty much useless and non responsive for several hours.

They brought me food right away but by then I was not only too exhausted to eat, I was too far past hungry to want any.

The postnatal room we were going to didn't have a shower so I had to get one before we were taken down. Finally refreshed, but even more tired, I told the nurse I needed to rest before getting back in bed. She said she wanted to try to get me back anyway.

I tried to tell her I wasn't ready.

She didn't believe me until I passed out on the floor.

I finally ate, we made it up to our room and settled in and it was time to rest.

Five days later (has it really been that long?) we are still figuring out a baby schedule. Ice packs and motrin are still my best friends and my husband has been amazing.

Sweet Randall has lost most of the swelling in her face and is starting to get some true features. She makes tons of hysterical faces and silly noises and every day we are better learning what we are doing. Sleep is obviously caught whenever possible; I think I might go take a nap right now...

Thank you for all of your sweet comments and prayers for us. It is going to be quite a challenge and adventure to be sure!

Randall Gabrielle

A birth story will be coming, but at the moment I'm more occupied with resting and teaching the baby to eat!

Not a Wise Choice

So that lovely walk I took yesterday? Apparently not a good idea. Don't the doctors all say to walk walk walk walk walk?

What they don't say is that if you do, your hips will rebel against you and you will not be able to walk at all. I hardly made it home.

My streak of sleeping through the night? Broken due to aching legs. I have to climb the stairs one at a time because it hurts too much to lift my left leg high enough to step.

Tonight is better than this morning was. I traded the ice pack with the heating pad and back again a few times. Another long soak in a very hot tub.

But I'm staying on the couch for a while.

It's D-day plus two and there seems to be no new progress. We'll see what the doctor has to say tomorrow. This little wiggle worm needs to see the light of day!

What to do...

For Christmas, we had received a gift card to Outback and that sounded fabulous so last night we went out. We decided to go to one (we have three in town) that was nearby a theatre so as not to have to drive too much. The first one we went to had an 80 minutes wait time. I don't believe I have ever heard of that length of time before!

So off we went to the next one which was only 45 so we took the pager and went for a walk through the stores nearby.

After a lovely dinner we sped off to the theatre. With only a few minutes to spare and while hearing that our show had been sold out we snuck in and were still able to find great seats. Which ended up being right in the middle of the aisle of course, so I had to ration my drink accordingly.

Juno was a very fun date night movie. I laughed, I cried...

Today we slept in and finished the second season of Rome. Tonight we're going to a different church across town. We never get to visit other churches since we work at one, so it will be nice to just enjoy a service rather than analyzing how it is going.

Maybe take a walk through the park? Finish a few more home errands? I feel as though I don't know at all how to pace my time. The days could be stretching out in front of me with nothing to do or I could be heading off to the hospital at any moment.

It is such a strange feeling. But I'll be sure to stay updated. Probably posting more than I have in weeks...gotta keep occupied, right?