Have you ever felt like you just stink at life? Not that you aren't good at one thing or another, but that you simply aren't good at living life.
That's how I've felt lately. As though I can't do any aspect of life well. There is obviously the basic added complication of a second child and I won't say, "I didn't know it would be this hard," because I did. I even expected this kid to be more difficult than the last and he's lived up to that well!
But along with that I feel like I am just stumbling by day after day. Cleaning, washing, feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, rewind and repeat. All that without even adding in the forgetfulness. The balls being dropped. I'm pretty sure I have let down everyone I have come into contact with. I'm convinced that I have neglected more things than I can even count. And then as soon as I feel like I've got one thing under control, I find another that I have failed miserably at.
It's not like I'm not happy. I adore my husband and my children and life is basically pretty good. I'm just not holding up my end of the bargain. I'm a mediocre parent, wife, friend, coworker.
Maybe it's just that I want too much. We all want to be good at what we do, but I feel like I don't have the mental capacity or energy to even begin to strive towards that. So instead I just blunder through my days. Blah, blah, blah.
How do I ever catch up? Where do I start? Has anyone else ever felt this way? I want to think it's just a phase, but I've kind of felt like I've been in this phase for a while now, not just since the new baby, that's just exacerbated the whole thing.
Ugh. Maybe it's just the rainy, dreary day. Maybe I just need to be ok saying, "I'm sorry," more often. It's just getting old.