Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Week 1

First of all, to answer your questions:

Randall was born on 1/08/08, weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and delivered at 8:08 pm. I'm not even joking. The birth certificate says 8:05, but my watch said 8:08 so I'm sticking with it.

My husband was there to cut the cord after they plopped her right up on me. He was so proud of himself for not minding the blood & guts!

Oh, and for the kind comment of how well I looked after pushing? That picture was the next day. We didn't have any mom pictures immediately following the delivery. Andy knows better than that!

Here's a question for those other moms out there: How long did you hold your baby after delivering? Did you get to hold baby while they cleaned everything up, or did they do the work all of to the side?

The reason I ask is because I have a theory about how well a baby breast feeds in relation to how long you were able to snuggle right away.

We made the decision on Sunday night to pump & bottle feed as she wasn't doing well latching on and just simply wasn't getting enough to eat. Honestly, this works fabulously and I'm happy that she's getting plenty, I can make enough for her and she'll be healthy and content.

But I have to admit, it makes me feel like a failure for not being able to sufficiently breastfeed. For not being decisive enough when they asked where they should clean her. I wasn't lucid enough to have a good answer and said, "I don't know," at which point they popped her over into the warmer. A little decision like that is to cost us so much frustration and emotions.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to transition her over eventually. Even just trying a little bit every day.

What I love about being a Mama? The snuggling, the kissable cheeks, the sweet fuzzy hair, the tiny toes and fingers and cuteness. Plus? Can you see that pouty little lip?

What I don't love so far? The ridiculous, nonsensical, meaningless crying. And I don't mean the baby. I seriously cried for about two hours last night. Doing the dishes, picking up the house, reading my book.

I know it's typical and I know it will get better, but boy is it annoying!! Today was completely different. Whether it was getting a little more sleep at a stretch or waking up to sunshine, today has been tear-free on my part.

It's impossible to believe she is a week old already. It feels like it has been a month and it feels like it has been just a couple days.


Stacey said...

I feel your pain about not being able to breast feed. I ended up having a c-section with my daughter so we had no snuggle time immediately after delivery. I didn't get to hold her until two hours after delivery and I was so exhausted from all of the medication. I attempted to breast feed but she would not latch on. We tried and tried for three months but ended up just pumping and bottle feeding her the breast milk for three months and then switched to formula because the pumping schedule was killing me. Keep trying though! I know lots of women who had great success at nursing even a month or two after birth. Good luck!! And congratulations!!

anne said...

Thanks for the encouragement! That really helps a lot to hear!

sarah cool said...

Anne, you should still be proud of looking that good the day AFTER you popped out sweetpea!!!!!

She is BEAUTIFUL! I love her. Please post lots and lots of pictures and stories! I can't wait to hear all about it!!! :)

Kat said...

Stop trying to reflect your gorgeousness! When my mom gave birth to my bro (natural!) she SWEAT BLOOD, I kid you not. All of the blood vessels broke in her face, and blood came out of her pours. The women in my family all look like a truck ran them over when they gave birth. You look fabulous! (It must be genes - damn.)

Do I sound like a stalker? Sorry!

anne said...

Kat, that's hysterical because I was SO afraid that I would break all the blood vessels in my face. It sure felt like that was about to happen at any moment!

Thanks, know I will!!

Kris said...

I got to hold Leah for about a minute right after she came out...but they cleaned her up elsewhere, then I got to hold her for another couple of minutes, but then they whisked her away to the nursery for the next few hours. Breastfeeding was really difficult for at least a week or so, then she started to catch on when she was a couple weeks old, but it still took about 6 weeks to really feel like we both were 'getting it' (I never gave her a bottle when she wasn't eating well at first...but that may have been a mistake on my part because she lost quite a bit of weight that first week...oops...but there were other complications as well) ((sorry for the long comment, I hope things keep getting better and better :))

Sally said...

My little guy had to be taken to the "intermediate care" downstairs right after I had him so I couldn't try to nurse until the next day. I barely held him. But he nursed fine almost 24 hours later. I don't think this had anything to do with her being cleaned up under the warmer, she might just take a while to learn. Don't feel guilty, that takes up so much space in the brain and emotions and no one will be able to tell you "for sure" why it's taking longer. The nurse had me put some formula on my nupple and that helped him out the first few days. Hope this helps. I'm so glad you are enjoying her!!

cjoy said...

Have you talked to La Leche League or a lactation consultant? They often have great advice and can sometimes show you things to help. Everyone's experience is different...and "the first two weeks (or sometimes longer) is the hardest". I just had my 3rd baby and while he's a champ nursing, I overproduce milk (always have) and latching on has been a huge struggle for all three of them. One suggestion for if you're using a bottle but still want to try her on the breast is to make sure you're using a breast-friendly type will make the transition easier.

Good luck...and congratulations agian!

anne said...

Thanks for the advice really helps. I did just email La Leche so we'll see what they have to say!

Jessica said...

I didn't get to hold Olivia for roughly six hours after birth. I didn't even see her after they took me out of the O/R until after that six hours. When I first started breast feeding she quickly got it but by day 2 she had "forgotten" how to do it. I was fortunate enough to have an amazing lactation consultant at the hospital who worked with us on many different levels. Breastfeeding is now going great and the key to that was a nipple shield! She was having a hard time latching (the theory is that when they had to stick the tube down her throat after birth it turned her off to having anything that far into her mouth) and the shield allows for her to latch on properly. It's kind of weird but it works and that's all that matters to me. I honestly don't feel it has anything to do with "bonding time" after birth but more to do with how your body and her mouth are designed. Meeting with a lactation consultant is a definite must if you want to keep trying.

Jean said...

You are a trooper.

I know it has been awhile since I've had a baby, so I don't know if this'll help or not as my experience is ancient compared to others. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor pumping after Alina was born sobbing b/c she wasn't nursing. The guilt was heaped upon my shoulders and Ed sat next to me and kept saying, "You're a great mom. You're doing a great job". And I pass his encouraging words on to you. You are a great mom, and you are doing a great job. I love seeing you with your daughter and the love that radiates out of your being.
I know that doesn't really answer your question, but it's what came to my mind. Hugs my sweet friend!

Cheeky said...

Wow,I'm amazed that they asked you before taking her from you to clean her up. Actually, Liam got cleaned up in the nursery--so Elli was my first in-room bath and clean-up baby. I was usually so weak after the big adrenaline rush that my arms wouldn't work to hold the babies anyway. And somehow, this flat-chested board, managed to nurse 3 kids. Mind you, I had many lactation consultants touching and re-arranging, coaching and making me "practice" the latching on and off.

There's an awesome new mom's breastfeeding group that meets Thursdays noon-2 right downtown at the Healthier Communities center--probably 2 1/2 minutes from your house. They'd love having someone as gregarious as you there--you should totally go.

Plus you learn the most amazing tips, facts, and get FREE advice, help, and sometimes even free STUFF too! I wish I had know about it with each of my kids, nursing was painful and hard for about 2 months with each of my kids.

I can't get over how totally cute she is already! I think it's because you are dressing her so cute.

Becky D. said...

I totally echo everyone else about talking to a lactation consultant. I learned a lot more this time when I spoke to one.
Everyone always says you need to take at least 2 weeks to give it a fair chance. Latching on is truly something they have to LEARN! It's hard and I spent lots of tears on it with Hannah and even this time it was difficult...BUT Anne, please don't stress over switching to the pumping. You can tell how much they're eating so you know they're getting enough and it is nice to have help to pump. Alayna needed it because she has acid reflux. But I have had people question me why I don't breastfeed and that makes me question myself. But you know, this works for me right now and alleviates some of the stress of doing it all by myself especially when I go home and I really am all by myself. Anne, in order for it to work, you really have to WANT it! If you don't want it to work bad enough, it won't work. Other options can be so much easier. But let me tell you...whatever choice you won't be a will be what works for you and your girl!
The pumping for me is going great now. I actually bought a bottle of formula to use to supplement my supply since I was struggling with making enough, but I've never had to use it. Just having it there in case I needed the help removed so much stress that now I produce more than enough to keep her happy. I even have enough to put a few bags in the freezer for when I want to get out of the house.
I can't wait to see you. I'm still hoping I can make it...7+ hours each way may prove to be difficult with 2 little ones, but we'll keep playing it by ear and see how I think they'll do.
Okay that was convaluted, but I know you'll make the right choice. Call me if you need anything...I'm in what you're in right now...and can offer whatever help I can...if you need it!

Bethany said...

yeah... i'll be the one posting just to say 'hi'!.... i'm lacking in the advice dept, but i can be a cheerleader! :) go team!

I'm still planning on tomorrow... we may have to meet a little earlier than usual (if that works) as i am up at 4:00 tomorrow and friday morning :(

Hillary said...

I'm not one who an offer advice either, but like Bethany I can cheer you on! As for the crying, I hear that's normal, and that it DOES pass!

Anne, mommyhood looks so good on you! Enjoy those snuggles and squishable cheeks! She is SUCH a cutie patootie!

thediaperdiaries said...

I am late to the game, but Grace's delivery was crazy and they had to use forceps so they took her away from me right away. It wasn't until Ella that I even knew you got to hold the baby right after. THe net out: Grace nursed like a champ, Ella was never a great nurser. So my kids are opposite of your theory. Nursing is tough, I second (third or fourth) the La Leche league and Spectrum support group.

Man, gotta love the crying hormones. I once had a fit so nasty I called Ryan at work and he rushed home because he thought I had surely lost my mind. The poor hubbies. They are so confused by all the hormones.

Buffy said...

She's so sweet...