Thursday, May 22, 2008

Time for Crunches

I often find that I fall so far short of my goals. Right now, life is good. Baby is healthy and happy and learning new things every day. Summer is around the corner and the world is fresh and green again. Andy & I are coming up on our 7 year anniversary while discovering our love to be stronger all the time.

In spite of all of the goodness around me, I am unsettled. My procrastination seems to be at an all-time high in a time when I have so much to do. Ever-growing mounds of laundry, dishes piling at every turn and my garden needing vast amounts of attention. Not only do I want to be successful at motherhood, I want to be a better housekeeper.

This spring I paid to go to exercise classes and every week something comes up to prevent me from attending as often as I should. The excuses are usually pretty weak. Last night I just wanted to spend time with my baby and this morning, well, I think it's just gotten to a point where I don't care any more. Sure, I should go. I'm even up early enough to have time to eat long enough before I go. But I don't.

Budgeting has also fallen by the wayside for me. I feel as though I have been pretty good about not buying extraneous items, but at the same time I am off the mark from where we need to be. Stupid mistakes that end up costing a lot of money. Stupid and so frustrating.

Worst of all is my spiritual life.

So here I am, highly frustrated with myself and throwing my vulnerability out into the world. They say you should only work on one new habit at a time, but I feel as though there are so many things in my life that need complete overhauls.

Debbie Downer signing off.

7 comments:

Buffy said...

Sweety, I know exactly how you feel. Baby Steps. It's what I keep telling myself. I can't get any one thing done because I have so much to start. Breathe deeply. Prioritise. Take one task at a time. And work from there.

Like I said, it's what I keep telling myself. :)

Mariahs Mom said...

Girl, I am in that same boat with you. We should sail off and figure this out together!! I think we just need to take it a day at a time. I will pray for you...can you pray for me?

Tricia :)

Jean said...

It IS hard. Something is always piling up and know that you are handling everything so very well. I'm not going to suggest what to do b/c you already know what you need to do. But know that you are doing a great job. :)

sarah cool said...

I think you are wonderful, even though you feel so low. Bringing a living breathing crying pooping creature into the world is a huge undertaking... even if enough time has passed that you maybe don't feel like that's an excuse anymore. And if *I* think you are amazing... you know what God thinks. And His picture is the only one I care about. And even if His picture is of you sitting in a messy house with receipts and bills everywhere and weighing an extra 10 pounds - He still hangs it right up and LOVES looking at you. And is proud of His daughter. Cheesy... SO CHEESY I KNOW GIVE ME A BREAK... but also so true. Love you, Anne!!!

thediaperdiaries said...

Transitioning to motherhood is crazy hard. I think everyone goes through a period of coming down off the initial baby high where we wallow for a bit. I go through phases where everything is clicking right into phases where I can't even move off the couch. That's why I think other mommies are so key. They can tell you its normal and give you some tips to motivate :)

heather said...

minus the transition into motherhood part, i understand this phase you are in... i am in and out of it a lot lately, actually, and you're right on about the 'one step at a time.' And i usually start with the spiritual side of things, and start small (I usually end up at a pray-as-you-go.org - it's 15 minutes of guided prayer/scripture meditation...sometimes i even do it when i'm lying down to take a nap).

but even if you don't start with the spiritual component, start with the are that seems the simplest and least overwhelming to you right now. give yourself one thing to do. just one.

i should be listening to my own advice right now... i think instead i'll just go back to bed...

Scrapnqueen said...

I got really frustrated with my so-called lack of spiritual discipline when my children were each in their first year of life. But then God helped me realize that it's okay if I am just too exhausted to read three chapters of my Bible every night or morning. I would grab my moments of prayer and introspection while I was breast-feeding or driving; He would speak to me through a word in turn from a friend or on someone's blog; I would read a few paragraphs from a devotion book or my Bible while I was using the bathroom (!).

It might not have been what I would call "spiritual growth"--more like spiritual survival--but it made me realize that God understands. He's still there with me, even in this exhausting phase of my life, and He speaks to me in more ways than I ever realized.

I hope you find your own new ways to spend time with Him.