Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Blah, Blah, Blah

I think I've been really overwhelmed lately. I have big life decisions looming over my head. I have many events to plan, rehearse and go through. I have several small gatherings I am a part of and some that I have to cook/bake/decorate for. I don't have time for everything.

My work is slow. There isn't much work to do at all lately. And so I'm not busy while I'm here. But I have still felt so exhausted lately. I haven't been getting the sleep I should because I'm doing all these things and when I'm not doing, I'm thinking. I've had migraines almost every day.

I feel like I should be more supportive of my family. I don't connect with them very often and I know they need encouragement. But I feel like I don't have anything to give. I feel like so much is expected of me, but I don't care enought to want to live up to those expectations. I just want to give in and lie down and sleep for eons.

I'm not content, I'm not satisfied, I'm not full.

What is my problem? Do I just need a vacation? Do I just need a nap? Do I just need a new head, and a new attitude? Is it just Tuesday and I wish it were Friday? I need a longer weekend, a stopping of the clock. I need sunshine and I need hugs. I want to retreat, but I don't know where to go.

Ugh. Nothing fun or happy here, folks. Move along, move along. Nothing to see here but a grumpy growly sourpuss.


heather said...

Ah, anne. You are understandably stressed out and frustrated. Thanks for being honest. To be honest, you probably need a whole mess of the things you mentioned - rest and rejuvenation. In the meantime, maybe you could settle for a few deep breathing exercises and maybe a journal. I'll be praying for you - you have a lot on your plate right now. Don't be too hard on yourself. :)

Shawn said...

Aww- Anne, sounds like you are just plain overcommitted. It's hard to say no to things and just keep time for yourself (and close family), but that's probably the best solution. But I do realize that's easier said than done. I am very good at saying no to extra stuff because I like my freetime, but Katie is like you and is constantly trying to add more to her plate. So sometimes I just have to tell her to slow down, maybe cancel some things, and definitely not add anymore for awhile- and just freakin relax for a bit! I think you need someone to tell you to do the same. I'll be praying for you today.

Andria said...

Hmmmm, not knowing you personally I'd say take a pregnancy test (I was exhausted for the first three months) and then take a spa day. You know, be completly selfish with one day, do whatever you want and only what you want.

Everyone needs "me" time now and then. You'll feel better for it, and hey, your birthday sounds like a good excuse to me!

Hope you feel better soon!

BeckyD said...

Anne...I totally understand! You have described my last few weeks exactly...except that it's not so much busy with other things, but only busy with a very energetic 2 yr old whose favorite word right now is "NO!!" But the migraines, constantly thinking, not able to sleep...I understand, I understand! I'll be praying for you!

Jean said...

You DO have a lot going on. Know that you have been prayed for today and will continue to be prayed for :) big HUUUUUUUGGGGG to you my friend. Sagatuck can NOT come soon enough, can it?

anne said...

Heather...you're right, I know, I know...maybe I just need some hemp clothes and a yoga mat too. :)
Shawnie-poo, of course I'm over-committed. Haven't I always been that way!? Sigh. What's a girl to do? I think for a while I was pretty well-rounded and I just don't know what happened in the middle. I just need to go to the beach. Or play kickball.
Andria!! You win the prize! I totally need a spa day. Massage will be at the top of the list. At least it will help with the migraines. I don't think the weather has helped either. It keeps changing. Though we don't have as horribly of storms as you did!
Thanks for the prayers, Beck. I very much appreciate them. And I went and got updated at your site too...finally! :)
My sweet Jeanie-bean. What a good hug...I totally need a real one though. I had hubby come and get me from work and bring me home. Been vegged out on the hammock for a while now. How was the park? I've been thinking I need to go for a walk and get some sunshine on my face and feel the breeze for a while. Maybe trekk on down to DQ?

heather said...

a trek to DQ - that's EXACTLY what you need! glad to hear you went home...good work! :)

Jen said...

I have felt the same way lately. I don't even have the energy to blog half the time. Everyone kept joking around telling me I was pregnant, god forbid (I am not married yet and am totally not at a place in my life to have a kid).

I have been working so hard at work and getting home and can't even move. I think my life is just moving too fast for me. I am contemplating calling in sick and taking some me time tomorrow. rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. We need to make time for ourselves and the fam. Keep your head up. I feel the same way.

Jean said...

I hope your time off was relaxing and rejuvinating my friend!! hugs to you and a real one coming soon :)

kassi said...

Something must be in the air. I fixed me with a new haircut and therapy. I hope that you find some peace, or at least get some restful sleep. Prayers to you!

Carbon said...

"I feel like so much is expected of me...". A lot of people put expectations on themselves for things and burn themselves out. Are you sure everyone is expecting all of this or you feel that way and thus feel like you have to fulfill all of it. I felt like this a lot and then I actually stepped back and realized that I was doing it to myself. I was making myself sick being nutso busy and doing things for other people. (Still do sometimes). I noticed that life continued on without me, I just made my own life more busy and miserable. Maybe time to reevaluate all the "needs" in your life.

anne said...

Heaths...I didn't go to DQ. SIlly thing is, I have ice-cream in my freezer and I didn't even get any. Sigh. Tonight for sure!
Thanks Jen! (Head lifted as high as may go) I think the jelly beans helped a bit too. And I'm taking half a day on Friday for my birthday! YAY for my birthday!
Kassi, one of my girlfriends informed me that it was the moon that is causing all the emotions. When the moon is full, people are naturally more emotional. Ok. I'll buy that. It appears to be true right now anyway!
Ugh, Maki, you're so right. It is probably completely self-imposed. I want people to think this or perceive me as that so I feel like I have to do x, y, & z. And I need to let go of some stuff. Take some serious inventory of what's most important, what's best; instead of what is relatively important and what's good.
Thanks to all for the prayers and advice. It is needed and mucho gracias.

kassi said...

The hammock sounds wonderful...I'm glad you grabbed a break.

anne said...

Yes...thanks. :) There is nothing better than a hammock nap.

CyberScribe said...

Happy Birthday ;-)